when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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