allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I AM VODKA MAN
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
