Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
