I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
