you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
