I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
