This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
