i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
