I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Can Purell be used as lube?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize