i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
