he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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