The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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