I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize