Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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