I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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