I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
