hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
