people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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