hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Apparently you make a good broom.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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