Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
