I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just pee around me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
