we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
