where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
