dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize