I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
