I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
