Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
