'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
this will be a night to untag.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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