last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
