somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
