She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
