Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
