guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize