Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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