no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
