life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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