Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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