Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
