just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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