so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I skipped work to stalk him.
you traded sex for a burrito?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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