and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
