talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
