dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
