im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
