What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
