You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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