i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
