We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
