I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize