I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
