Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
