Umm I'm too high to move.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
