Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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