i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
