Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
