We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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