I hate all girls vehemently.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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