I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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