I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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