I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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