Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
