would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
