I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
