My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
