There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
